Big Time Regrets
by BigTimeStar
Summary: It's Katie's 16th Birthday and she wants nothing more than to crawl in a hole and die. Puberty has been tough and her brother, Kendall makes it worse with his constant teasing. Will one BTR guy make her 16th worth while? A Jatie Fix
1. Big Time FanFix

**Hey! Hey! Hey! (God, I sounded like Fat Albert…) Anyhoo, wassup everyone? My name is Yoli and I'm going to be writing a new fic on ! Thing is, I've noticed the BTR doesn't have as big of a community as I would like, sooo…I've created a BIG TIME RUSH FANFIX Site! Go and post your fix there. It's similar to but it's completely devoted to Carlos, Kendall, Logan and James! So…Check it out! Its on *Big Time Rush . Hyper Boards . com* No spaces. Or visit my profile and I'll have a link!**** And I'll be posting soon here, so I expect reviews! Love yah! Bye! **


	2. 16 For a Moment

**A/N: Hey guys! Thanks to anyone who did check out and post on my site for BTR fanfix! It means a lot. And if you haven't yet, now would be the time. There's a link on my profile if you need it! Anyway, here's the story! If you're anxious for updates, I do update more frequently on my site and it's higher quality work too. Lot less typos (: so….without further a due!**

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned BTR…but they belongs to Nickelodeon… (': sadness…**

Katie's POV

I put my head in my hands trying-and failing-to block out my mom's voice.

"Katie, you know Kendall does these things because he loves you. Sweetie, please don't be mad." She pleaded with me as I watched the tiny spiral particles float around behind my closed eyelids. Kendall loves me? Wow, in what universe? He does this every stinking time! When I turned 10 and got my first bra, it was-

"_Katie-Waitie's got her boobs!"_

When I turned 13 and got my period, it was-

"_Katie's got her Aunt Flow! Red River! Bloody Highway!" _Yada-Yada…

And now, I'm 16. I don't look like the same Katie Knight. I'm not short and frail, or easily picked up and thrown over anyone's shoulder, thank God. I'm almost a woman. Kinda. Despite my constant attempts at staying a kid. I have curves now. And boobs that are clearly visible. My voice is deeper, in that girl way. And-God help me-I'm noticing how hot boys are!

All I want to do is crawl into a hole and die. I don't want to see Kendall or his nutty friends!

"Katie, sweetie…please talk to me." My mother placed a hand on my shoulder to which I shrugged her off.

"No, mom. Okay, all he's gonna do is pick on me! I don't want the _Big Time Party-_" I emphasized, making air quotes. "-I just wanna be left alone. These past 8 months have been…magic! No Kendall, No Carlos, No Logan and NO JAMES! No Gustavo or Kelly or Joe or Camille! Just us! And I love it that way! And when Kendall and the rest all come back to the Palm Woods…it'll be like it used to be. With me in the back getting tortured while Kendall lives his Big Time Dreams."

I started to cry but sucked it up. In all my years, I've never cried. And it wasn't about to start now. I won't allow it. Think of something mean, Katie…like…choking a Llama!

"Katilyn Knight, that is not true! We've never put you in the back of anything! Where ever the guys were, you were-"

"However unwillingly…" I muttered under my breath. Mom gave me the evil eye which I valiantly returned.

"Either way, Katie. You know you were always there in the midst of all that action! Never once have you been in the back." She went on. Ugh. She doesn't get it!

"Mom! I had to work my ass off to be noticed and you know it! Anytime Kendall and the guys screwed something up, _I _had to fix it! When their relationships got rocky, I had to smooth things out! When their careers looked like they were gonna take a fall, I was the one holding them up! Mom, can't you see? Big Time Rush is Big Time Rush because of ME!" I shouted, now angry.

I guess my cursing threw my mom for a limb and I ran a hand threw my hair tiredly, sitting on the edge of the sofa. I can't take another day of being Kendall Knight's sister. I can't take another minute in this place. I just want to go back to Minnesota. I just wanna be normal again.

"Mom…I want to go stay with dad."

The words seemed to vibrate around us like a Chinese gong. I fought the tears in my eyes, knowing that, by law, she couldn't say no. They shared custody of me.

"If-If that's what you want, Katie. I'll…I'll give him a call."

**A/N: Hmmmm…Smells like drama! Lol hey, reviews are appreciated! And even better, visit my site! That would be better than a chocolate covered James! Mmmm…Oh who am I kiddin? Nothing tops that! But hey, REVIEW!**

**Love you to Death,**

**BigTimeStar!**


	3. Leaving

**A/N: OMBTR! People are going to the site! Yay! Yay! Yay! I loveeeee you! Please post there! Post your stories from here if you want more exposure! I would love to read your stuf there! Anyway, on with the party!**

**Disclaimer: Why must I torture myself this way? Nickelodeon owns those beautiful boys, not me!**

Katie's POV

I zipped my last suitcase and slid it to the corner of my room. Dad said that he was on business now-meaning he was out on the ski slopes-so he'd have me flown over by Friday. Today is Monday. Meaning I have to endure seeing them all again with no way out of it what so ever.

I kicked off my green Chuck Taylors and wriggled my toe-socks. Kendall and I had matching pairs when we were younger. He was like 13 and I was 10. His were green with hockey sticks on them. Mine were orange with flames-go figure.

Those days were the ones I missed. The ones before Gustavo showed up, trying to take away my happiness. Okay, fine…I'm being a little melodramatic but c'mon! I was a happy kid-minus the evil-but still! Back then, Kendall and his dogs-thanks Gustavo-were so into Hockey that I was the center of attention if not THE attention. Of course I knew Kendall could sing! He sang to me every night. I knew James could sing too, he'd sing when he brushed his hair for dates or school or…anything really. I knew Carlos could dance and Logan had potential but never had I EVER expected this.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm happy and all that jive, but…with fame comes arrogance. Deceit. Ignorance beyond belief. You lose that special part of you that had always been there. I lost my brother. And even when he gets here and does this huge scene for my 16th and buys me all of this stuff…it still won't be the same. It won't be Kendall. It'll be Big Time Rush.

I was drifting, not really thinking about anything, which I found comforting, when I heard the loud voices of men.

"Mom! Katie! We're home!" Kendall's voice echoed around apartment 2J like a megaphone. Ugh, pig.

I ignored the laughter and happy banter, etching a pattern into my dresser with my nail.

"Katie! The boys are home!" Mom shouted to me. I groaned into my pillow. Maybe if I be really quiet, they-

"KATIE!" Mom shouted again.

"I'm coming!" I shouted back in fury. Jesus!

I kicked out of bed and trudged into the main part of the apartment only to be tackled to the ground by four oversized dogs.

"Katie! Baby sister! I've missed you! Happy freaking birthday!" Kendall planted wet smooches all over my face as I tried to squirm away.

"Ugh! Kendall…gross!" I finally managed to get him off. The other three took that as a warning and retreated too. Kendall was much older looking now, I couldn't deny it. He wore a beanie over untrimmed golden locks and he had a lot of stubble. Made me giggle to see him looking so much like our dad.

"Wow, I guess you didn't notice us huh?" Logan rang in from next to my brother. He was as Logany as ever. Short, my height to be exact, geekily-cute and…Logan.

My mom gave me a warning glare, emphasizing the fact that I'd be leaving them all in four days and I'd damn well better kiss some ass.

I crossed the small distance and gave Logan a sisterly hug and he hugged back.

"Missed ya My Little Annoyance **(Heard that name in another FanFix)**." He whispered as we hugged. I had to grin evilly at that. Oh the things I'd do to him while he studied. A story for another time I suppose.

"You're hogging the birthday girl, Logan, jeez!" Carlos shouted and pushed Logan away, picking me up like I was 12 again. I kicked at him and he put me down, grinning ear to ear.

"Dude, you're big." He noted. I gave him an even look and he panicked. "-NO! Not like BIG-" He made a wide gesture with his hands. "-I mean like…um…older! Yea and-"

"I know Carlos." I cut him off, hugging him tightly. I did kind of miss his bantering and flat out idiocy. We hugged for a while until finally he let me go. Everyone else seemed to drift off to their own spaces of the apartment, talking and catching up as I stood in front of James Michael Diamond, the reason I really didn't want to be here.

"Katie-"

"Bye." I said, deadpan and walked back to my room. By now, Jo was over and she and Kendall were deep in conversation. Carlos and my mom were going on and on about the new Palm Wood's pool and Logan and Camille were going about their dramatic-and disturbing-reunion. No one saw me retreat off to my room. And no one saw James follow.

"Katie, please can I come in?" He begged from the other side of my door. I ignored him, kicking my dresser with my foot as I sat on my bed.

"Katie…I'm coming in…so…like, don't throw shit at me okay?" He warned as the door opened slightly.

I kept my head down until I saw his shoes appear in my eye-line. I let my eyes follow his black Nikes up his balck skinnies, to his silver spiked belt, to his white v-neck tee, to his face…and my eyes stuck.

His face was just like I remembered. Those deep brown eyes and that sweet, arrogant smile. James Diamond was the bully of my entire adolescence. I hated him. He never showed any interest in me, he was always mean, teasing me about how I must have crush on him, always needing my help but never thanking me, over looking me because I was so much younger…never considering the fact that, I Katie Knight, was the one in so much damn pain over it all. And to you it may seem childish but…it hurt.

"Look Katie, I'm not gonna lie and say I'm not…happy to see you. I am, really happy to see you. I mean, you look…you look good. Um…okay Katie, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I bullied you about your crush and I'm sorry-"

"Seriously, James? You still think I had a CRUSH on YOU? Fuck, can't you let that go, because I didn't!" I shouted. He squinted at me as if I'd grown a second head.

"Wait…did you just, cuss at me?" He asked in shock. I nodded.

"Yes, hard to believe little ol' forgotten can curse! Well…I can! So just fuck off, James! Go back on your stupid tour and take the rest of them with you! I can't wait to leave this place!" I shouted and stood to leave the room. He put an arm out, stopping me.

"You're leaving." He said as a solid statement, eyeing my bags in the corner.

"Yea. I'm going to stay with my dad." I retorted, venom on my tongue like a viper ready to strike. James just stood there for a second.

"When?" He finally asked. I eyed him darkly.

"Why does it matter-"

"When are you leaving, Katie?" He shot back, making me take a pace backward. Okay, he never really got mad at me. He usually just teased me or otherwise ignored me. But…he seriously got mad just now.

"Friday."

He looked at the bags with an expression I could quite place.

"This Friday?" He asked. I nodded. He let out a long huff and ran a hand through his perfect hair. Which-from experience with James-I know he doesn't do unless he's pissed or stressed or both at once.

We must've stood there for a good ten minutes because Kendall came in.

"Hey Katie, have you seen Ja- Oh…" He stared at the two of us and I noticed our closeness and stepped away from him and to my closet, rummaging for a distraction.

"What's going on, guys?" Kendall asked, suspicion and concern lining his voice. I swallowed hard. It would be hell telling Kendall I was leaving to stay with dad. He hates dad.

"I dunno, Katie, what IS going on?" James asked sarcastically. I turned around giving him the dirtiest glare I could muster in my state of panic.

"Inquiring minds wanna know, sis." Kendall joked, tossing a hockey puck into the air and catching it.

"N-Nothing. Nothings, going on. I was just telling James…that I got a magazine gig…you know he's good with that stuff." I lied and it was evident that James was surprised.

"Oh, you model now, sis? You sure you can handle the pressures of not stuffing your face with fish sticks?" he teased and I felt that same aching from way back when.

"Ugh…just...get out. Both of you." I pushed them out of my room and Kendall just left laughing. James left looking confused and…slightly relieved. Happy that he gets to torment me a little longer, I bet.

I groaned out a profane word and threw myself on my bed. Stupid James. Stupid Kendall. Stupid Big Time Piece of Crap Life Ruining Band! UGHHHH!

**A/N: Gotta love me right? Leaving you there with no action at the end! lol jk! I will post again soon, lovely ppl! Only on one condition though! YOU MUST REVIEW! Tell me how you feel! I love the feedback, flames and all! And Please visit the site if you haven't already. It's dedicated to BTR fics and if enough people want it, I'll add a Jonas Brothers Category and maybe a Justin Beiber if it's wanted...so...yep, the link to the site is on my profile! **

**Peace, Love and BTR!**

**Yoli**


	4. Can't Sleep Tonight

**A/N: Ello Lovies! Hows it going! I'm good. Well, I wont hold you up long so here goes the story!**

**Disclaimer: I don't Owny!**

Katie's POV

I kicked the covers off of my body in frustration. It's 3 in the morning and I can't sleep for crap! Every time I close my eyes I see me, happy and glowing in Minnesota…Then Kendall's face pops up and I feel guilty again.

How can I explain to my loving, annoying big brother that I would be leaving him forever? And trust me, I didn't plan on coming back to California. And I knew Kendall would never come back to Minnesota if my dad was involved.

_You could just stay._

No…No I couldn't.

_Yes, you could. Just admit to James that-_

No! I never had a crush on him, nor will I ever! Gah! Just shut up, brain!

_Naïve._

Annoying.

I rolled lazily out of bed, feeling around for my robe.

"What the-" I managed when I picked it up, something wet dripping from it. I clapped my hands and the lights came on.

"Really?" I asked myself, throwing the soda-soaked thing into the hamper and leaving my room in a tank top and shorts.

I huffed at Carlos' loud snoring as I passed the room that he and Logan shared. Why they share, I have no idea seeing as Logan was soft-spoken and organized while Carlos was wild and messy.

I noticed Kendall's room door was cracked but I didn't really play too much on it. Probably Kendork sleep walking again.

The living room of 2J looked so eerie at night with no one in it so I decided on the kitchen which I had no idea was occupied until I opened the fridge door.

The yellow light shined on his face which was lying dumbly against the cold counter of the island.

"What're you doing in here?" I asked him dryly. He lifted his eyes to me for a second then closed them again.

Wow, so lemme get this straight: _You're _the jerk, but _I _get the silent treatment? Bull crap, Diamond!

I rolled my eyes at his childishness and continued to rummage for something to placate me. Corn Dogs? Nah. Smoothie? No. Fish Sticks? Nope. Dinosaur Chicken Tenders? Yes.

Out of pure laziness, I put them in the microwave rather than the oven.

"Why'd you lie to Kendall?" James finally decided to speak and his tone didn't say much other than he was annoyed by me. Well, here's a news flash, I'm annoyed by you too!

I rolled a wax apple around the counter for a moment before answering, "It wasn't a lie."

James chuckled darkly, sitting up now. He wore a black tank top and I could smell his Burberry cologne from across the counter. Thank the lord he'd gotten over his Cuda phase. That was hell…

"So you aren't leaving?" He asked. I let my eyes fall, because I was leaving, there was no doubt in my mind at this point. It was just a matter of how I would tell Kendall.

"I am, but-"

"So, you are a liar." James reiterated with a gruff tone. I was about to make a comeback when the microwave went off. Yet suddenly I felt very much no hungry.

"Why do you act like this?" He demanded as I put the chicken tenders in the oven for Carlos to devour in the morning. I spun on my heel.

"Act like what?" I demanded in turn. He groaned out loud in pure frustration.

"Like the entire world is against you! Like _we're_ against you! Everyone in this apartment, the Palm Woods, care about you! And you're just…ungrateful…" He shook his head as if I were the shameful one.

"Oh please, Diamond! For the 16 years that you've known me you've been a complete douche! When I was 1 and you were 4, you pushed me down the stairs and I broke my arm. When I was 7, you flushed my fish! My LIVE fish! When I was 10, you hung my bra from the balcony of our house! When I was 13, you taped a tampon to my back while we were at school! And between it all, I never said a thing! I helped you when you needed me! Made you what you are! And I'M ungrateful? No, James YOU are the ungrateful one!"

I took a deep breath after my rant and slammed the fridge door shut. Turning the room pitch black again. Stupid boy-man. Has no sense of self-affirmination! Jesus!

I was about midway out of the kitchen when I ran into someone. And mind you, it's pitch black in here.

I tried to push past whoever it was but they had my arms pressed to my sides firmly. I took a breath and new it was James.

"Ugh, leave me alone you ass-"

My mind must've dropped off the face of the planet because he kissed me. It wasn't a huge French, swallow your face kiss…It was a soft, sweet, feather light peck on the lips but it was enough to light me up.

"No!" I shoved him away, feeling like he possessed me or something.

"Katie, I-"

"Stay away from me!" I shouted and ran for my room and locked it, throwing myself onto my bed, sobbing into the pillow. No tears came but every heave of my chest brought pain and heartache that I didn't wanna feel. That I shouldn't even know about. I'm only 16! I don't wanna feel that…I don't wanna feel love.

So I'll settle for that other four letter word…

I hate him. I hate James! I don't like him! I never have nor will I ever like James Diamond!

**A/N: OmBTR! How did you like that? I hope you liked it a lot! But sad news babes. I won't be posting here again until I get my BTR fanfiction site going. It's already started and I need staff members so if you have interest in that, visit my profile and click the link to create an account so I can make you staff. Staff means you have full Administrative control over the site! Anyway, please go check that out and REVIEW! Or better yet, don't review and just go make an account on my BTR FanFix site! I wanna mae it bigger than anything out there, so...help out! Recruit friends! Make me happy! I might even be adding a Jonas Fanfic category. A Justin Beiber, Victorious, iCarly, Sonny with a Chance, Pair of Kings, Wizards of Waverly Place, Orginal Fics and an All Star Weekend Category as well. So...yeah. be easy lovies,**

**Peace,**

**BigTimeStar!**


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